Tuesday, November 19, 2013

To Baby Brother

So The King took this beautiful picture of me. And since I do not FEEL anywhere close to how I look in this picture, it makes me very happy. When this baby is grown and looking at old pictures, he will see it and think I was just so happy and excited to see him, and glowing with joy.

False. I feel like crap. The baby and I really need some space from each other. He's not getting a whole lot of happy mom vibes from me right now. It doesn't help that I've had a head cold here at the end, which sucks the life out of a normal person let alone a person who has a human being sucking the life out of them already. I only have so much life to give, people.

But in the midst of my whining and complaining, sometimes it hits me. Never, ever again in life will it just be me and him. The second he exits the birth canal, is the first second of me sharing him with the world. All our family will come in, everyone will take their turn holding him. He suddenly becomes her brother, her nephew, and his grandson... no longer just my baby. And every minute after that is another minute of making him independent. Teaching him to sleep through the night, learning to feed himself, learning to walk, going potty, learning how to drive. Let's face it, people, parenthood is 18 years worth of goodbyes. And it sucks in the most beautiful way possible.

When I want to complain about how uncomfortable I feel, I remind myself of this. Yes, there is a rather large family who already loves you, baby. But, today, I'm the only one who can feel you wiggle. I'm the one keeping you alive. I would be so bold to say that today, I am your favorite person. I don't have to share you with anyone, and it's awesome. You are solely dependent on me, and my ego loves it.  It's just you and me for seven more days. More or less. I'd prefer less, if you'd kindly oblige. I think I've had my moment.

I can't wait to see you, mini man. Even if I do have to share.